Polyamory Essay

This right here is a very cool essay on polyamory and addressing the question "why do poly people marry at all?"

I think I like being poly. This is kind of new to me, so I'm learning how I feel about this. Now, the lady I happen to be in love with, CL, has been part of my life for three decades; she and I met in high school, and either near to or shortly after I graduated (she was a year ahead of me) I came out to her as bisexual. At that time, she said she was straight but didn't have a moral problem with bisexual people. That was fine; at the time, I really wasn't trying to pick up on her, attractive as I thought she was. I just wanted to be honest with her about how I felt.

Shortly after this, she married EL, and he enlisted in the Air Force. When he went off to basic training, she said to him that she might have certain "itches" she would need to scratch while he was away, and in the discussion they had it came out that he'd be fine with it if she scratched that itch with another lady. She described this to me one evening, but I did not take advantage of that - but the thought crossed my mind.

Time went by, and eventually we had our chance. I went to visit her and E in their northern home, and the ensuing events were most delightful indeed.

That was in 1994, and that's where it's been ever since.

In 1994, I was still with DHI, and he wasn't into polyamory. Two years later, he and I broke up (his idea). I shouldn't have been too surprised; I'd had an "affair" with his friend DPS since just a few months into my relationship with him. So perhaps this indicates that I've been polyamorous for quite some time - it's just a case of, it wasn't socially acceptable, I didn't have a word for it, and even DPS himself has indicated to me he's not into polyamory (he mentioned this to me recently in a text). I found it odd for DPS to say this, because given his past (I've also known him for three decades), he seems very inclined to polyamory. I've often thought that it might be more honest for him to just say "hey, I'm polyamorous and that's that." But there seems to be a very conservative streak to his personality that doesn't allow for that.

My husband JFW is a bit more open-minded, but he seems to think he's perfectly happy having me in his life and that's it. He doesn't seem to feel a need to have other partners at this time. OK fine. He feels no threat from CL, and CL wouldn't want him to feel that way anyway.

Part of why I married JFW does have to do with the fact that this is the standard in the society I live in now. So I just go with it. Plus, he's here in FL with me, CL is not, and as a diabetic who has been in and out of the hospital a couple of times, I need a legal partner who can be here with me and who can make medical decisions for me. My parents are both dead, and I am not in contact with my sister.

It's also illegal in FL to live together and not be married. That to me is stupid.

But really, JFW and I were very happy as a committed couple, and in some ways legal and social pressures drove us to marry. Perhaps one day, things will become just a bit more flexible....

So...

...I think I'm happier as a humanist.

I don't have to worry about following someone else's rules.

I feel much freer to just BE MYSELF.

I am far less inclined to beat myself up because I am not "orthodox." As an example of this, I would have to say I feel a lot better about being open about my relationship with not just hubby JFW, but my beautiful lady CL and her husband EL as well. Some people do not understand how this is possible, but it just works.

I am far MORE inclined to live in the here and now - not to concern myself with some other life or afterlife or whatever. I have to focus on what's going on right now, and I'm also far more open to the wonder that is this world/planet/call it what you will.

I can certainly recognize that humans do make mistakes. That's normal. We all make mistakes, and hopefully we learn from them and do better as we move forward.

There are a few things about "formal" humanism that I don't fully agree with - mostly political views - but I do agree with the most important part, that being "there is no such thing as god." There is no noun there. There isn't a "thing" there.

Now....there is a bit of a wrinkle with CL. She is a Christian. I do not see how on earth she can reconcile her beliefs with the fact that:

a: she loves a woman, which is forbidden by her religion
b: she loves someone other than her husband, which is forbidden by her religion

I do wish she'd come to a place where she embraces humanism instead. I suppose all I can do is model that for her in the best way I can. I'm not sure how open she is to all this, however.

She tends to be...well, I don't want to say "a Luddite" but she isn't one to use computers or anything computerized much at all. She doesn't read a lot; she says she has reading comprehension issues. She tends to buy into pseudoscience. She thinks anything man-made is "corrupt" but she doesn't seem to realize that these things we call "religions" - and that includes Christianity - is man-made. She needs to stop and consider: cats don't have religion. Dogs don't worry about salvation. Horses and chickens and frogs don't argue theology. Trees don't preach. Only people bother with this thing called "religion" and "God" and all that. We are, so far as we can tell, the only species on earth that even concerns ourselves with that.

So I think she needs to keep that in mind. I have to admit that these facts about her, things that were not in place when we were last together, are affecting how I feel about her and whether or not I think we're compatible as lovers. We have completely different kinds of lives. She does recognize that, and I have to wonder if she's thinking the same thing - maybe we can't really be romantic partners.

I would be ok with having her as a simple friend. We have had some lovely intimate time together but if that is not meant to be, if we can't make that work, then I can move forward from here. But I do not know if she can do so. She's very emotional and gets very attached.

Well, I just wanted to get that off my chest. More later.

Re-Inventing

Reinventing....