So...

...I think I'm happier as a humanist.

I don't have to worry about following someone else's rules.

I feel much freer to just BE MYSELF.

I am far less inclined to beat myself up because I am not "orthodox." As an example of this, I would have to say I feel a lot better about being open about my relationship with not just hubby JFW, but my beautiful lady CL and her husband EL as well. Some people do not understand how this is possible, but it just works.

I am far MORE inclined to live in the here and now - not to concern myself with some other life or afterlife or whatever. I have to focus on what's going on right now, and I'm also far more open to the wonder that is this world/planet/call it what you will.

I can certainly recognize that humans do make mistakes. That's normal. We all make mistakes, and hopefully we learn from them and do better as we move forward.

There are a few things about "formal" humanism that I don't fully agree with - mostly political views - but I do agree with the most important part, that being "there is no such thing as god." There is no noun there. There isn't a "thing" there.

Now....there is a bit of a wrinkle with CL. She is a Christian. I do not see how on earth she can reconcile her beliefs with the fact that:

a: she loves a woman, which is forbidden by her religion
b: she loves someone other than her husband, which is forbidden by her religion

I do wish she'd come to a place where she embraces humanism instead. I suppose all I can do is model that for her in the best way I can. I'm not sure how open she is to all this, however.

She tends to be...well, I don't want to say "a Luddite" but she isn't one to use computers or anything computerized much at all. She doesn't read a lot; she says she has reading comprehension issues. She tends to buy into pseudoscience. She thinks anything man-made is "corrupt" but she doesn't seem to realize that these things we call "religions" - and that includes Christianity - is man-made. She needs to stop and consider: cats don't have religion. Dogs don't worry about salvation. Horses and chickens and frogs don't argue theology. Trees don't preach. Only people bother with this thing called "religion" and "God" and all that. We are, so far as we can tell, the only species on earth that even concerns ourselves with that.

So I think she needs to keep that in mind. I have to admit that these facts about her, things that were not in place when we were last together, are affecting how I feel about her and whether or not I think we're compatible as lovers. We have completely different kinds of lives. She does recognize that, and I have to wonder if she's thinking the same thing - maybe we can't really be romantic partners.

I would be ok with having her as a simple friend. We have had some lovely intimate time together but if that is not meant to be, if we can't make that work, then I can move forward from here. But I do not know if she can do so. She's very emotional and gets very attached.

Well, I just wanted to get that off my chest. More later.